I am definitely getting old! Posted on 03 Jan 14:51 , 0 comments
Writing this blog I came to the conclusion...
that I am getting old. The reason is two fold, firstly I wanted to start this article with the phrase ‘when I was a lad’ and I intend to refer to a song released in 1965 in my days of youth. The song is by Simon and Garfunkel – ‘I am a Rock’ – as some of the lyrics hold true in my experiences as a hypnotherapist.
In that song are the following lyrics “I've built walls, a fortress steep and mighty, that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain, It’s laughter and it's loving I disdain I am a rock I am an island” (all copyright acknowledged ©1965 words and music by Paul Simon)
This song even in my early days (when I was a lad!) made me think about human nature. Why should someone want to close themselves off from others, why, even after being hurt by another person would they want to do such a thing? And yet many people do just that, someone hurts them emotionally, whether intentionally or not and they close themselves off. As human beings we are social animals, we need to socialise, to meet, to play and be with others, its part of what helps us grow. Without it, we withdraw, close down and become distant or even worse bitter and resentful.
When a relationship breaks down,
or a long time pet dies some people decide, “Well that’s it, I’m not going to bother anymore”, as the song says ‘If I never loved I never would have cried’.
What is the benefit of closing ourselves off? Yes, you are protecting yourself, but you are limiting yourself too. By doing so, others may not hurt you, but you harm yourself. Life becomes more predictable, but also becomes boring.
Both men and women sometimes adopt this behaviour, rather than learning from the experience, rather than seeking help they will become their own island untouched and unfeeling. It is something that saddens me immensely.
Many people who have had the courage to share their hurt in a non-judgmental environment, to discuss their hurt and all the raft of emotions they experience after an end of a relationship, have found that by doing so, is taking their first step into recovery.
As human beings
we learn from experiences both painful and joyous, but going into denial or self-protectionism is not going to aid the healing - more likely it will deepen the wounds over time.
Regular readers of this blog will have read that we all have choices; we choose whether to take life’s knocks and to roll with them, or whether we allow life to knock us down and choose to stay down.
The end of the song goes ‘I touch no one, and no one touches me, I am a rock I am an island and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.
However, we should remember in reality
we are beings in need of support and companionship, even with its disappointments and hurts. One thing the Simon & Garfunkel song does not mention is that rocks are barren and some islands are so remote that few people even bother to investigate them.
Before you decide to withdraw to protect yourself, look at my confidence and self-esteem program. Get your confidence back, and help yourself to live life, as you want to live it.
www.healthyaudioypnosis.com Well-being audio programs for emotional wellness.