Questions We Ask Ourselves

Gentle reflections exploring the thoughts, feelings and questions many people carry quietly within themselves. These articles are written to offer understanding, hope and practical encouragement, reminding us that we are never alone in the questions we ask ourselves.

Why Do I Worry and Keep Expecting the Worst?

Not long ago, I found myself watching the weather with more interest than usual.

The forecast had promised heavy rain for most of the day. Looking out of the window that morning, the sky certainly seemed to agree. Thick grey clouds stretched across the horizon, and it would have been easy to assume that sunshine wasn't going to make an appearance.

Yet by lunchtime, the clouds had begun to break. A patch of blue appeared, then another, until before long everywhere I could see was bathed in warm sunlight. It wasn't the day I had expected at all.

I wondered how often we do something similar with our own lives.

How often do we wake expecting that something will go wrong, that good news won't last, or that disappointment is waiting just around the corner?

If you've ever quietly asked yourself, "Why do I keep expecting the worst?", I hope you know that this isn't an uncommon place to find yourself.

Sometimes life teaches us to become cautious.

If we've experienced loss, uncertainty, illness, or repeated disappointment, it's understandable that part of us begins to look for signs that history might repeat itself.

The mind isn't trying to spoil today. More often, it's trying to spare us from being caught unprepared tomorrow.

There is something rather reassuring about that.

Our minds often behave like faithful old watchkeepers. They've spent so long looking out for danger that they continue scanning the horizon even when the sea has become calm.

The difficulty, of course, is that when we're always looking for storms, we can easily miss the quiet beauty of the sunshine already warming our face.

I've noticed that people who expect the worst are often among the most thoughtful and caring individuals. They don't imagine difficult outcomes because they're negative people.

They do it because they desperately want to protect the people they love, and themselves, from future hurt.  

Some people simply say, I think like this so I won't be disappointed. Some would argue they are bringing difficulties into their life by thinking that way. 

These are understandable habits. But habits, however well-intentioned, don't always continue to serve us.

There comes a time when we gently ask ourselves whether the watchkeeper can be invited to rest for a while. Not dismissed and certainly not criticised.

Simply thanked for years of faithful service and reminded that every cloud doesn't become a storm.

Nature has always seemed comfortable with uncertainty. The trees put out fresh leaves every spring, with no guarantee that late frosts won't come.

The birds build their nests long before they know exactly what the season will bring. They don't ignore uncertainty. They simply don't allow uncertainty to stop them from living.

Perhaps there is something quietly reassuring in that too.

Maybe hope isn't believing that nothing difficult will ever happen again. Perhaps hope is trusting that, whatever tomorrow brings, we will meet it with the same resilience that has carried us this far.

At Healthy Audio Hypnosis, many people tell me that as they work through the Anxiety Audio Program 120, something subtle begins to change. They don't become carefree overnight, nor would I expect them to.

Instead, they begin noticing that the mind spends a little less time rehearsing disasters and a little more time appreciating the ordinary moments that make life worth living.

I don't think that's about becoming unrealistic; I think it's about becoming fair. Giving tomorrow the chance to arrive before deciding what it will bring.

Before You Go...

As you step into the rest of your day, perhaps glance up at the sky for a moment. 

You may see clouds.

You may see blue.

Most likely, you'll see a little of both.

Life has always been like that.

And perhaps we don't need to predict which one will come next quite so often. Perhaps today, it's enough simply to enjoy the patch of blue that's already above you.

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