FEAR ~ we have all felt it at some time in our life,
whether the fear was real or perceived, it still has an affect on us, it can send us into a fight, flight or freeze reaction or it may make us act in a positive way.
For some people FEAR can stand for ‘Forget Everything and Run’, or it could be, ‘Fiction Envisioned as Real’.
Fear is just an emotion
which creates a physical response, and we react in whatever way we feel is appropriate at the time, even if it is inappropriate to do so! Phobias are a good example. When we are not faced with the situation which causes the phobic response we are rational, cool, often calling the phobic response silly or stupid, and even laughing about it. But when faced with the situation which causes the phobic response, logic and humour are largely forgotten, the learned response kicks in and we forget everything and run!
Imaginings can also create fear. Even though an imagined event has not happened, nor is very likely to do so, the imagined event can create just as powerful a response as one actually happening in the moment. Since fear is an emotion which creates a physical response, change the thought and the physical response changes too.
When we are fearful in the moment
we rarely stop to think through the problem, we just react. Often the answer is simply to stop and think. Introduce some logic to the thought process, and when you introduce something new, the response is changed too.
If we live a life of fear and dread, we are robbing ourselves of living the life we want to live. We are sabotaging our lives and often the lives of those around us because we are not allowing ourselves to be the person we are capable of being. If this state of mind continues for any length of time, our emotional energy is often drained, wasted on fear of imaginings.
And yet we have the capability to be and do more, we are capable of learning and relearning ways to think, feel and behave. If you or someone you know doesn’t believe this, then you should consider coming to have a chat with me. We are all capable of learning, all capable of letting go of those things no longer needed. Regular readers will know I don’t use the word “can’t”!
It’s not that you can’t, it’s more like you don’t know how, or it may be you don’t want to, but it isn’t that you can’t. Fear can be from the past, present or future - our responses are largely the same wherever the fear is from.
And I am not just addressing the type of stark reality fear when our lives may be threatened; I am also including, anxiety, phobia, constant concern, heightened states. In fact, anything that prevents you from living the life you are entitled to live, with peace of mind, safety and inner calm. So remember there is always something that can be learned, considered or changed which could give you a new way of thinking, feeling and behaving.
If you are local to my practice consider emailing for an appointment, or if you live further afield you can arrange a Skype initial consultation, or take a look at the range of my self-help audio programs at www.healthyaudiohypnosis.com
Writing this blog I came to the conclusion...
that I am getting old. The reason is two fold, firstly I wanted to start this article with the phrase ‘when I was a lad’ and I intend to refer to a song released in 1965 in my days of youth. The song is by Simon and Garfunkel – ‘I am a Rock’ – as some of the lyrics hold true in my experiences as a hypnotherapist.
In that song are the following lyrics “I've built walls, a fortress steep and mighty, that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain, It’s laughter and it's loving I disdain I am a rock I am an island” (all copyright acknowledged ©1965 words and music by Paul Simon)
This song even in my early days (when I was a lad!) made me think about human nature. Why should someone want to close themselves off from others, why, even after being hurt by another person would they want to do such a thing? And yet many people do just that, someone hurts them emotionally, whether intentionally or not and they close themselves off. As human beings we are social animals, we need to socialise, to meet, to play and be with others, its part of what helps us grow. Without it, we withdraw, close down and become distant or even worse bitter and resentful.
When a relationship breaks down,
or a long time pet dies some people decide, “Well that’s it, I’m not going to bother anymore”, as the song says ‘If I never loved I never would have cried’.
What is the benefit of closing ourselves off? Yes, you are protecting yourself, but you are limiting yourself too. By doing so, others may not hurt you, but you harm yourself. Life becomes more predictable, but also becomes boring.
Both men and women sometimes adopt this behaviour, rather than learning from the experience, rather than seeking help they will become their own island untouched and unfeeling. It is something that saddens me immensely.
Many people who have had the courage to share their hurt in a non-judgmental environment, to discuss their hurt and all the raft of emotions they experience after an end of a relationship, have found that by doing so, is taking their first step into recovery.
As human beings
we learn from experiences both painful and joyous, but going into denial or self-protectionism is not going to aid the healing - more likely it will deepen the wounds over time.
Regular readers of this blog will have read that we all have choices; we choose whether to take life’s knocks and to roll with them, or whether we allow life to knock us down and choose to stay down.
The end of the song goes ‘I touch no one, and no one touches me, I am a rock I am an island and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.
However, we should remember in reality
we are beings in need of support and companionship, even with its disappointments and hurts. One thing the Simon & Garfunkel song does not mention is that rocks are barren and some islands are so remote that few people even bother to investigate them.
Before you decide to withdraw to protect yourself, look at my confidence and self-esteem program. Get your confidence back, and help yourself to live life, as you want to live it.
www.healthyaudioypnosis.com Well-being audio programs for emotional wellness.
What kind of people come to see me for help...
was a question I was recently asked. My reply was “brave people” come to see me. Not that I am scary, or at least I would like to think not, but some people who come to see me are often in a scary place in their lives.
Others perhaps needing a little guidance, or encouragement, others might want to simply change a negative belief or thought pattern, others might want more confidence or motivation, the kind of people who come to see me are every day people leading everyday lives, who want to better themselves, or to provide better for their families and loved ones. They want to progress in their chosen profession or career, others will want to find inner peace, or direction, others looking for more confidence or greater self esteem. Some people simply want to sound off in a safe non judgmental environment, and others may want to share ideas, worries or concerns.
The most difficult step is either picking up the phone to make the initial appointment or sending an email requesting an appointment. It can be scary to do this because it is an unknown. And yet people who do take that important step of attending the initial consultation quickly find they are welcome, their presenting worries and concerns are explored and understood, they hear a simple but informative explanation of the mind body connection, which dictates their negative thoughts, and importantly they also learn how easy it can be to put a plan together to change, adapt or remove the presenting issue.
Conditions of mind and body can often be mitigated or removed. Long standing fears, worries or self limiting beliefs and self sabotaging thoughts can be reversed. And all this begins with a simple phone call or email.
We all have the capacity to change if we want to, if we are willing to take part in our own healing and development. Time is rapidly passing, the days and weeks and months are flying by, and each day we don’t deal with our problems is another day we carry them, another day they delay us or prevent us from achieving those things we want to achieve.
And a time will come when we look back and see what we haven’t achieved, the things we have missed out on, the opportunities we have let slip past us, the relationships which could have been so much better.
I acknowledge that change can sometimes be scary, but it is never as scary as doing nothing. One thing we can remember which may help at those times of hesitation is that fear is temporary, but regret is forever.
So if you or someone you know is working through a difficult issue, or wanting to make an important change in your life, or you want to learn new ways of thinking positively, or to learn how to let go of those things no longer needed, consider picking up the phone or sending an email to me, and if you can’t attend my practice, consider Skype sessions with me.
Meanwhile, you can visit my website to learn more about my self-help audio programs.